When you think of horror slasher pics, you think of Friday the 13th or A Nightmare on Elm Street. The latter has bad films but the first one is a classic and the third film is good too. In general, Elm Street films are mixed bags but Friday the 13th films are bags - of shit. I was having a good time with my friend Davide playing Red Dead Redemption but my sister had to go to sleep so we turneed on cable channel EPIX and found out it was a horror Valentine's Day marathon of Friday the 13th. The only good thing that came out of watching this pile of shit is that me and Davide enjoyed making fun of it.
The film opens with a cliche scene of Jason getting killed by a girl and her boyfriend. As they leave peacefully, Jason comes back to life and goes on a killing rampage at some hillbilly dude's house. Jason kills the hillbilly couple while the husband is taking a shit. Oh and did I mention, this was shot in cheap 3D and takes every chance to get something pop out of the screen. The guy is holding a stick right out of the camera and it is supposed to come out in 3D. Since I saw it on television, it was just blocking the view. Then we are introduced to are stupid cast of characters - we have likeable Jewish jokester Shelly Finklestein, a duo of hippy stoners, the handsome country boy Rick, kinky sex-machine couples, the disturbed Chris, a hot girl who Shelly wants and a gang of bikers looking for trouble.
Basically, Jason sees the kids and kills them in gruesome ways for no reason. Chris previously encountered Jason one night after falling asleep in a forest - stupid, ain't it. The only likeable thing about this film is Shelly, who is killed and Jason steals some of his items including his iconic hockey mask. Then we go to the stoners getting high in every way possible including bongs, joints and even eating marijuana. Then the sex-machines fuck like crazy on a hammock before every one is butchered. Shelly's eye-candy goes looking for him only for Jason to shoot her in the eye. The bikers are killed except for the leader Ali who dies at the end saving Chris from Jason. Chris's boyfriend Rick has his head squeezed like a lemon, causing his eye to pop out in 3D. Then Chris stabs and hangs Jason but he is still alive so she escapes to a lake where a zombie version of Jason's mother attacks her. The police arrive and think she has gone crazy, so they send her to a hospital.
Did I mention, after there was The Final Chapter, the fourth film that was supposed to end the franchise, but didn't. This film was worse, we have a lonely stoner named Teddy who watches silent film porn, two pairs of slutty sisters, Crispin Glover as a teen, a charming romantic, a little boy played by Corey Feldman, his older sister and their mother. A hunter looking for Jason arrives to help but is killed instead as are the stoner, sluts, romantic while the mother's fate is left unknown. From then, we have Jason chasing the siblings around the house and a random shot of a dog jumping out a window. Jason is then killed by the little boy who shaves his head and seems to go crazy at the end. Then there is Jason Goes to Hell, when FBI agents assassinate Jason and the coroner eats his heart and he possesses people. The only good thing about that is that Jason kills a weird midget with a shotgun and Freddy Kreuger makes a cameo. Then there is the franchise reboot, which should just be killed Boobs and Pot. It is 90 minutes of porn-like sex, guys getting stoned, topless water-skiing chicks and bloody death. If you have a brain, I beg that you avoid these films at all cost.
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